NO, this is not where I reveal a big, huge secret.

Neither is it about the so-called "good read" chick-lit novel by Nisha Minhas. Take note : That book is mostly, mainly and only about sex. The main character is the perfect example of a person who lives for the pleasures of the flesh. Pure crap. What is becoming of this world? Whatever happened to heart-warming, clean romance that gets you crying without having to have any element of sexual promiscuity? Ugh.
Oh right. Sex sells these days.

Since my friend wants me so badly to write her name down, I shall do her just that favour. Adeline Heng is on the top of the charts when it comes to keeping secrets, ain't it? Or maybe not.

(Speaking in general terms, when a person keeps something from you that you so desperately want to know because somehow, you know that you're involved and thus, have EVERY RIGHT to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth, how can anyone not get on his/her nerves, trying to dig it out?)

To me, a secret is something that you keep between yourself and God alone and maybe a close friend. Anything that goes beyond those connected can't REALLY be called a secret since, well, people are just so hard to be trusted with secrets nowadays, aren't they? I'm no different, I admit.

When a secret gets so enticing beyond one's control, you tend to be a very irrational person. Much like when a person's in a drowsy state of mind and is asked to do some work that requires high amounts of coordination. The outcome is quite predictable.
Really, curiousity is a curse. It killed the cat. It confuses the mind as to why it must happen, but it just does. We can't change that.

Or can we?

Well, patience does come in handy. Well, speaking as someone who's been put to the test of immense patience, it does (or doesn't) pay off. Depends on the situation la.
My patience has been tried and tested by the dozens of events that have happened over the course of the month of June. Not only about secrets.
And man, was it an eye-opener or what. I hope I'm a more patient person now.

(I think I'm making readers confused)

As they say, patience IS a virtue. And if you are familiar with Catholicism's 7 cardinal sins, Anger IS a big, big sin. So, as the followoing equation goes :

Slim patience + Short-temperedness + bad, frustrating situation = ANGER

Simple enough. So being patient is clearly proven to be a virtue.
Besides, angry, impatient men are unreasonable. Tell me about it.
Now when I think about how people get so wild in angry rage and take something and smash, throw, hentam, etc., it really, really sounds and looks stupid afterwards. Makes you laugh. It's more amusing than intimidating actually.

(To Adeline, start being virtuous. Eheh.)

So as I was saying, keeping secrets are super-duper hard. Spilling it is way easier than keeping it intact. Sadly, it's true! For people like me, that is.
My deepest respect to those who are bestowed with such high deference for secrecy. (There are only so few).

YES, I actually can keep a secret. If you think I'm someone trustworthy enough for it, I can. Believe me..

Adeline, thanks for inspiring me. =)
<-------------------- What I'm NOW currently reading. Admittedly, I think the two previous books (Da Vinci's Code & Angels and Demons) were more exciting.
Maybe because they had more murders, murdered and more unravelling of the unexpected.
I think I might have a twisted taste in books.
Then again, it's a bestseller and all, so it should be perfectly normal.
Take a read. Quite nice. Smart plot. Long but worthwhile. I don't do chick lits. Enough said.


(Next book in line - I don't know just yet. Maybe a chick lit for all I know, just to pass the time away.)
Someone blurted out a very interesting question the other day during our weekly C.F. meeting when the speaker opened to the floor for any questions:-

"Is smoking a bad thing for us? Speaking in Christian context, of course."

Sure, smoking IS bad for anyone, for OBVIOUS reasons. (Duh. Lung cancer, respiratory diseases, etc. Enough said). But do the consequences become worse when you're a Christian?

The answer did come to something between those lines.

"Since our bodies are the Temple of God, and thus should be kept sacred, nothing, and I MEAN nothing, should ever be done to it as to intentionally defile, defunct or desecrate it."

Good answer. I couldn't have said any better myself. That's because I can never. Anyway, I don't think it relates much to us good, non-smokers of my C.F.Other than it being harmful for health, I never really gave a second thought as to why smoking is bad in some other sense. Now, I see how.
Smokers out there, Christian or not, say NO to smoking, or plainly, just quit it. It'll buy you some time to at least have more out of life. No kidding. It is a waste of money anyways. Heh.
Me.

Responsible.

"......hah......."

Two words that can never stand together without having the word "not" between them.
Great...

Seriously. I almost never finish MOST of my homework. Chemistry, BM, Physics, Biology, Moral to name a few.
Oddly, Add Maths and Maths and English are usually done right on time.
I do things so last minute, it beats the term "at the eleventh hour" by 59 minutes. Later, that is. If you know what I mean. Procrastination comes hand-in-hand with me NOT being responsible.
BAD combination if you ask me.

Other than homework, which I think in itself speaks quite a lot about responsibility, there are other duties that I should and must do which I don't and can't do. Most of the time, anyway.

Being treasurer, I myself haven't even paid up the fees. And I find it hard to extort the money out of people, which is a disadvantage if you're a treasurer in a "I'll-pay-it-next-week-la" environment. No kidding. I'm not the mugger-type person. In the meantime...

Having assigned to you the task of coordinating certain events is a dreadful thought. For me, at least. It's even worse when you're the individualistic type. And being the type who doesn't deal with seriousness well, yes, being responsible can be MORE than difficult.

Things get rougher when your level of responsibility is at 'incompetant', meaning to say, causing a certain party to be unhappy, dissatisfied.
WHICH, I must add, in turn, causes you to feel really, REALLY guilty.

Sometimes, I wish that somone could take the blame with me as well. As the saying goes, "Shared happiness is double happiness, shared sorrow is half-sorrow."
Why shouldn't it be the same for guilt, right?
At least it helps. Not that many would take the fall with you these days kan...
THIS is the real world.

I feel really sorry that I have to be so irresponsible. It just HAD to be innate.
I, in fact, feel like the most disorganised person in class. Messy's my middle name.
Not setting my priorities straight is another (my long pseudonym).

I guess this is where I learn to be more responsible. I wonder if writing this down is a responsible thing to do.
Seeing as how late it is already and I have an early (and full) day tomorrow...
Really, someone hit me.
Man.......
It's been really membingungkan this past few days.

It's really hard to do your work when you can't think straight and the thoughts in your mind is just whirling away, unfocused.
Kinda frustrating, no?

Strange thing is, laughing is still no tough matter.

And I hoped I was gonna 'fly high in the skies' today.
But no, I'm not that disappointed. Just bengang.

Why oh why did forgetfulness become a common ailment in my class...

What I know about ke-bengang-an is that your daily routines are pretty much unaffected but the quality of it is.
I'm sure you people out there have to some degree been through this bingung state of mind before.
Man I'm getting so over-the-top....
Great. This is bad.
I just returned from a party. Well, it's not REALLY a party-party, but hey, I never had so much to laugh at before.

And mind you, it was good. Kind of painful at the thorax region now, but yeah, seriously good.

I never knew playing PS2 with a bunch of younger people could be so much fun. I also didn't know that playing a car race game could be that much of fun either. Oh dear, my lungs hurt.

Other than that, I never realised how bad it was to be outside of the house when it's much, much better to stay inside.
Simple because outside is the smoker's section. Horrible.
I can't stand the way they just blow the smoke right out & straight to your face. It's REPULSIVE! I really need to wash my face hard.
Can't they just spare those who want to eat in peace and in a smoke-free environment? Really, it SUCKS. Coughing hard just doesn't mean a thing anymore. Sometimes, I just wish I could beat the sense back into them. Not that courage is my middle name or anything. It SURE isn't.

Anyways, I did not stay too long outside. Time to watch a movie! And play MASHED.
And laugh hard. And play with little girls. And hurt my lungs. And go home. And stay up late to do procrastinated homework. At least the partially digested food is keeping me awake.

I NEED to set my priorities straight.
I'm broke.
I'm sleep-deprived. Wait, I'm always.
I DID not fail Physics. What a relief.
I hate myself in photos. You'll see.
I think some teachers ought to be given more credit.
I DO think too much.
I need to cut some slack in the 'thinking' department.
I've been getting a lot of A2's for this exam. Not that I have anything to say to it.
I fail at co-ordinating things. Maybe because I've never really did.
I am very liable to feeling insecure. VERY. Oh no...Help me.
I feel like I'm being taken advantage of a lot. Prove me wrong.
I pray that things can only can get better day by day.
I need to get real.

And the weather is overwhelmingly hot. And humid.
English and Biology - uncertain results. Not anticipating much though.

The movie's poster. Obviously.

Go watch it. It won some awards in some of those international film festivals you know.
And yes, this time, unlike certain home-grown movies, such as Puteri Gunung Ledang (not worth watching, I slept slightly before the climax.What a waste of ringgits) or Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam (another weird & diffficult-to-understand show. The makeup is simply not good enough.), SePet is easy to understand, a little funny, heart-warming and sweet entertainment.

The storyline, which in fact makes a whole lot MORE sense than some other so-called "expensive, award-winning" local movies, relates very much to the hardships in love caused by culture difference that some might have been through.
If you don't already know, SePet is about a Chinese boy and a Malay girl who falls in love, and faces the trials that come with mixed relationships.
But then again, the movie might not end as how you'd want it to. Not to worry, I heard there's gonna be a sequel to it.

A certain scene in the movie actually made me cry.
No wait, did I say cry?
I meant a sudden welling-up of the eyes. Very involuntary. Yes, that's what it was.

Good movie. 4/5 stars.
Not that my opinion matters now.
So yes, don't take my word for it. Go watch it. Don't watch pirated one please. Help support the local movie industry. Only foreign movies you can do that. Right.....
Based on this post by chowkueyteow. Most of it, anyway.
Read this first, then proceed to reading mine.

OR...

Do both at the same time. It'll be cool(er). One at a time, one at a time...

Now that I'm in the holiday season but NOT because I've finished my secondary education and have virtually 3 days before school reopens, here are a couple of things I've realised by reading chowkueyteow's post, which some so happened to be partly through personal experiences too.

1. My exams are always screwed. Usually. Not that it matters now.

2. My exams are so screwed that I've begun to question the meaning of life itself and my very existence.

3. SO not.

4. They're just plain screwed. Sometimes anyway. Again, not that it matters now.

5. I'm way smarter than I look.

6. I'm actually VERY smart. (AND perasan-ted.)

7. When I do my homework. (Which is very, very little.)

8. If I do my homework.

9. Certain people among Taylor's College's staff can be pretty unreasonable. Just by looking. Not that I would know or anything...

10. Certain people among Taylor's College's staff can be pretty. Not that I've noticed. Of course not.

11. Being Christian is cool.

12. Being Catholic is cool. Very.

13. I can sing almost well.

14. I can sing. Well, who can't?

15. I try to sing loud. Bad idea.

16. Baby girls can be absolutely annoying one minute, and absolutely silent the next. They saw me right then.

17. Form 4 girls aren't what they used to seem to be. They're now better.

18. College guys aren't what they're all made out to be. (well, most aren't, anyway...)

19. Working ladies don't necessarily wear black short skirts. Not that I give much thought about it.

20. People who listen aren't usually listened to. Tell me about it.

21. Making a list like this can be actually quite fun, even with the knowledge that no one might bother to read it at all. Sadly, it might just be true.

22. Trying to kick the habit of spending long periods of time in the toilet/bathroom isn't easy at all - relative to trying to quit smoking. Not that I smoke or anything.

23. Traditional and customary Chinese wedding ceremonies can be long and tediously complicated. And I've never bothered to understand.

24. No one lives forever. Making the best of whatever time I have with loved ones is what I strive to do each day.

25. Saying sorry is an extremely arduous task, especially for one who has an ego the size of a hot-air balloon. (As for me, my ego's not that terribly enormous, just pretty close). But the peace gained after doing so is immense.

26. God is merciful and kind. And sovereign.

27. I love Jesus.

28. I love Him a lot.

29. He loves me a lot too.

30. And He loves the whole world a lot too. And that's the kind of news the whole world should really be grateful about.

Praise the Lord!!


The idea of this post was adapted from the original 'founder' and friend, a.k.a. camel-eyelashed guy. Thanks dude!
(Not in exact words. That's because I'm no human recorder.)
Thinking back on the words of Father Michael's sermon last Sunday (fragments) :

"I really like this movie. I've watched it TWICE. It's.....

STAR WARS : Revenge of the Sith."

Very muted sniggers were heard.
Say...Don't they think priests watch movies too? I, for one, do.

What did this movie had to do with his sermon?
It's got something to do with Anakin-Darth Vader-good-&-bad-side-against-each-other-within-himself thing. For those who've watched it, then you'll definitely know. I havn't watched it yet, so that explains it.
But yes, it doesn't take a GENIUS to figure it out.
The fellow in focus had to harbour that evil that's within him, or something of that sort. And well, it applies to all of us, doesn't it?

It's SO EASY to do evil, but so difficult to do good.

Hey, nothing good comes easy. But it's worth it...

........................................................
Fr Michael at the end of the mass :

"I can see that all our hearts are full with sadness and problems, all held back within us. You know what we can all do?"

"Just smile."

Who wouldn't crack a smile just then? Such sweet words...

Sadly, that smile didn't last the whole day long...
But it was great while it lasted.
I've been feeling dreadful the whole day. And I think its going to last for a while.

Make my day, please make my day. By......

Yanking my hair or hitting my head with something hard. REAL hard.

Or maybe say a prayer for me. It'll be less painful. Thanks people. God bless...
It was cool.
Really, it was. It'd be even better if you were the super-hyper type that can last the whole day. Last meaning, perky.
Which if you have read in my earlier post, is one of my dislikes. So to say, I couldn't last the whole day. Figures why I was so quiet by the end of it.

All in all, it was cool to see so many people coming together to 'REACH'. Reach up, reach in and reach out.

Yes, I was pretty sleepy then. Recollecting every single moment of it would be, well, impossible. Hence, this short entry.
But hey, I left that place a different person. Not entirely, but yeah, kinda.

I'll be better-prepared for next year's rally. In the mean time, here's some pics during the 2005 one.

Eugene, Ju Lyirn, Alison, Sara, Shern Peng, Shern Ai, me and Charlene!( The beginning of the rally where faces were still fresh with smiles.)

Adrian and Sam. Don't ask. Nice pink on him though.

Sam and me, up on stage 'tickling the digital ivories' for God. Oh, and sang at the same time too. We did it all for God. And the spotlights were killing us.

cool picture. taken by Jason who ironically called us a bunch of posers. right.

walla!
1. I got up one day and realised that I had only 10 minutes to get ready for a full-day event. Mind you, 10 minutes is NEVER enough for a girl.

2. I like it when my handphone vibrates in my jeans pocket. Why? Because I know someone's definitely thinking about me!

3. I find it hard to restrain myself from eating like a glutton. I'm guessing this is why grocery shopping is done considerably often in this household.

4. I HATE perkiness.

5. But I like geniality.

6. I think I think too much.

7. I'm NOT a hypocrite. Go figure. It's quite the contrary.

8. I do trivial things during my free time.

9. To me, staring blankly is actually one of the more pleasant pastimes.

10. I have a strange feeling that boredom can really make you do silly, SILLY things.

11. I had a horrible throbbing at the head after sleeping for more than the usual (and depriving) 6 hours of sleep. How ironic.

12. I experimented with the 'pins-and-needles condition' to feel the actual weight of my hand. Well, at the cost of numbness for a notably long time.

13. I think that air-drumming is a good way to practise without disturbing the neigbours. Plus, you don't actually HAVE to get a real, tangible set of drums.

14. Too much of something might or might not be bad. Depends.

15. I accusedly give very 'fake' reactions, when in fact, I just don't react in the typical manner. Really. Try me!

16. I think inflicting pain physically as a sign of friendship may in fact be not such an endearing thing.

17. I'm fond of one-on-one conversations.

18. I miss my childhood.

19. Shopping isn't one of my favourite pastimes.

20. I am very self-concious. How contrasting to the title.

Hmmmm.....
Yes. It's now the semester break. Two weeks. Short, ain't it?
And as expected, it's going to be as unrewarding and unproductive as any other school day. Except that on school days, there's a ton of homework to do, which I'm starting to anticipate day by day.
Weird. Really weird.

Holidays are supposedly the time where, for high-schoolers, to brush up on their recently (or not) acquired knowledge during the course of their school years.

More often than not, this thought goes unheard of, as far as I am concerned.

But then again, there are OTHER things to do besides (ugghhh) studying.
For one, to sit, lie and stare at the beautiful and unnoticed marks on the walls and ceiling of your bedroom. It'll be a very different experience.
But as for now, I'll stick to plain technology i.e. the Internet.

Recent happenings have evoked this sense of longing for my childhood days.
Not that I'm super-old or anything.
It might be because of the stresses that occur due to intrinsic or extrinsic causes....
Who knows? .........

~~~~~~~~~~
I'm beginning to think back in time when I was a little kid that was able to fit into that really cute and tiny chequered blue uniform who really didn't have a care in the world.
The times when sliding down the slide and swinging on a swing with the help of the teacher is a routine thing.
The times when jumping, singing and dancing were just a part of the kindergarten's syllabus.
The times when exams were just to fill in outlined spaces with different colours and to write simple (and at most, 7-lettered) words on a piece of paper.
Us little children had to be fed properly. Thus, over-feeding meant proper feeding then.
Times when the constant surveillance by teachers after each and every child was a comforting fact to both parents and child.

Kindergarten was cool. Nothing beats running around in a skirt with a bunch of boys without being called naughty.
Those good, old post-toddler days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then came Primary School. Your conscience just gets louder and louder. The day takes off in the wee-hours of the morning, a considerably huge transition from the 'slumber' days of tadika.
Time to actually hit the books, subtly. Bullies were coming into perspective. No more playground facilities if you're in a government primary school. At least there's the vast 'padang' to play on.
But somehow, you'll adjust yourself soon enough. As much as you miss kindergarten, there's so much that primary school life offers too...

The bigger area of the school compound now has become a good thing since the robustness of a pupil whilst in primary school knows no bounds... especially during kejar-kejar.
The chance and choice of buying food during recess time is exciting. This newfound independence might not have been as dreadful as once thought.
The border between boys and girls is becoming clearer and clearer as you proceed to the next standard. Thus, realization creeps in.
Nonetheless, the innocence still remains intact.
Well, for most of us anyway.
Exams then were actually daunting. (It still is now..). But way easier then.
Hey, it had to start SOMEWHERE. It just had to get worse along the way.

~~~~~~~~~~

Ah.....Yes. Those good young(er) days...
When your limbs were as flexible as rubber.
When abrasions on the knees and elbows and where not were very much abundant.
When the only worry that actually dominated your mind was whether the kids opposite could come out to play(Yes biancajill, you influenced me).

Sigh. The things I think about when in the holiday season.

I do wonder what will I be thinking of when I hit retirement age...

Tsk tsk.