All Souls' Day - 2 November 2005

Although it's 3 days prior to the actual day on the Catholic calendar, the reason for going there remains the same, whatever you make it out to be.

The atmosphere of the cemetery is sombre, visiting the grave of deceased loved ones, cleaning up what the trees had shed on the graves, and spending a moment of silence in due respect.

Although I have not met many of those whose graves were visited, I'm pretty sure I will someday.

It started off a bright, sunny, Sunday morning. As it approached noon, the weather got cloudy. It drizzled halfway as the candles were being lit.
What a peculiar coincidence.

I've been doing this a few years now. It never gets old; Touching the earth, burned by wax, cut by the sharp edges of the tombstone. That's that.

Death is inevitable. But does it have to hurt others in the process?
I guess you got to "Let Go and Let God".

I have one question:
By visiting the grave of long-gone ones, we show our respect, or so, correct?
But, why do some only show their respect when the person has died, but not when he/she was still around?

~"When I'm gone, remember that I love you all"~

Warning: Long post ahead!
These holidays are really boring. I can't bring myself to do anything.
It's like this:

Makan tak lalu,
Mandi tak basah,
Tidur tak lena.

Not that I don't have the appetite nor bathe with hardly any water, but sleep, heh, well, dreams keep me happy and unrealistic, but you get what I mean.

I just wish something nice or exciting comes my way. Anything.

Until next week that is. I'm going on a vacation then. It's been a while since I stepped on foreign land and got a break from the confines of left my humble home for a while.

I was in school today to do some work when I saw my BM teacher. I approached her and got back my final exam results. Not surprising indeed as to what I got. Expected it, yet dissatisfied. I know I suck at my BM more compared to the three sciences.
But my BM teacher pointed out where I went wrong. It was really nice of her to tell me where my strong points & weak points were and what I can do to improve. But reading BM magazines every now and then? Sigh. The things you have to do.

She told me that she'll be my class' BM teacher again next year. I think she has got to be one of the most sporting teachers I know in the morning session. Which is a good thing, definitely.
Initially, someone else was suppose to be our teacher, but I guess she pleaded with the Head of the Language Department and got this spot back. Phew! I can't imagine having a BM teacher who does not let you off for not doing your homework. (That's what I mean by sporting. Hehe.)
She said that the Head of the Language Department didn't think she was capable of handling my class but she gathered the guts and insisted for it still. She wanted to prove them wrong by producing students with A's for BM in the upcoming SPM next year. She sure does have a vision!

I just wish I was better in my BM.

Compared to BM, my English is several times better. Compared to English, my Chinese is a hundred times worse, I can tell you that. To me, I feel that my not-knowing-how-to-converse-in-Chinese needs to be compensated by speaking English twice as good than an average English speaking person of my age.
But I guess it doesn't work that way. I'm no where near being eloquent in English.

I should stop being such a sorry ass.

So long and goodbye. I have to stop somewhere.

I was sitting in front of a guy with my knees touching his.

Okay, wait. That sounded almost wrong.

I was sitting in front of a guy I knew very little about with my knees touching his. It was intentional.

Okay, hold on.

I was made to sit in front of this guy and when I say my knees were touching his, his knees were touching mine too. You know, it's like, you can't kiss without being kissed.

Newton's third law - For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Not that it's anywhere near that sort of explicitness.

It was a funny situation.
The whole class had to do it, that is, to sit in front of a person of the opposite sex and have your knees touching the other person's.


Well, it's to do with self-esteem. You thought what leh?

Clearly shown by the illustration above, both looked as if in a compromising position. I can tell you it sure felt like it. The reason behind the knee-touching: "So that you all will feel more uncomfortable". Damn, Mr. Kenneth was right.

Okay, fast-forward to after the knee-touching session and all.

*toot toot--------------------------------------------------->

Back to a semi-circle.
Here goes.

1. Self esteem is a FEELING you have about who you THINK you are.

2. Try doing this: Smile, and at the same time, feel angry.
Cannot right?

3. Take off that mask from off your face. The more masks you put on, you might not recognise the person in front of the mirror. (Don't take it in the literal sense)

4. Listening is VERY important. Not many people know that nowadays.

5. Be assertive, not passive nor aggresive.

This has got to be one of the cooler talks I've been to. Especially when there's knees involved.
Finally, exams are over.
I am so relieved that it's over.
I can't think of anything else to be happy about at the moment execpt that exams are over.

Exams are over. There.
Since exams are not over yet, I can honestly and courageously declare how screwed I am for this final exam.
I'm quite serious this time. I was practically in a mental block the whole way.
It's not about not having the confidence to say I did my best, because I know I didn't.
Don't take it as me being immodest, because I'm not. I'm just really screwed.
My definition of screwed-not as good as last time, which was not VERY good to start with.
I guess I expect a lot from myself, hence the anxiety.
The cold weather doesn't help when writing essays. Especially when you don't have nice, neat handwriting to start with, and then the rain induces the ugliness because your hand gets severely cold and unable to hold the writing tool properly, it further exacerbates the problem. Die man!
I just hope this doesn't happen:

Then I'd be more than just screwed.
My ramblings are much easier to post than other things as of now. Until 12.30pm next Monday, perhaps. Then I'd be free, free to do the unnecessary, uneducational long-awaited things I have long listed down in my mind. I shall not go into detail.

I better not mess this one now. Tata~
I'm going to enjoy the cold air while it lasts.