I've been back since Monday. And its back to hitting the books (although there isn't much of a difference from the way I see it. Yup.)

I missed wishing a Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya to all. So well, Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya!

I was very disturbed when I watched Sepet and Gubra on Astro Ria just now.
First, the endings for both shows were beyond unsatisfactory.
Second, the plot is inconceivable for someone with an average outlook as mine.
Third, I can't put myself in anybody's shoes.
Fourth, I don't understand the storyline.
But I do have to commend on some comedic and romantic scenes. Other than that, it seems plain and bland.

Think long and hard. Maybe I shouldn't be watching all those movies now that exams are approaching. EEEEEEEKKKK!
I'm like, right in front the computer and typing this post out with this title.

Seems ironic.

ANYWAY, you know what they say about "Time is precious", "Time is Golden", "Never waste a minute of your precious time", etc.?
If those were rules, I've been invariably breaking them for as long as I can walk. Or maybe even longer.
Regrettably, I don't learn for the long run. Which is of course a bad thing. Especially when you're in the prime of your life where time-planning is like, imperative.

And that means ...... your whole life!

I don't think I manage my time very well. So I'm going to let you in on a little secret :-
I don't study enough and I waste time faster than you can say 'die!'.
But you know, who cares? It's the end result that matters, ain't it?
I still feel guilty for not starting earlier, which I only have myself to blame.

SPM may not be the most daunting examination for my level, but right now, it's the only one that I have to put my focus on. So, off to study!

* * * *
Am going on holiday in the wilderness that is Pahang tomorrow. Three days of mosquitoes and endless trees. : )
In another month, I'll be sitting for my SPM.


[Everything prior to SPM will be posted with the aforementioned header and likewise during and after SPM]

There's so many papers to do; so little time. I have a stack of Chemistry, Physics, Biology and (ugghhh) History lying on my 'workspace' a.k.a. the living room.
Not to menti0n other books and online sources. I wonder if they're all going to be done by the time SPM arrives.
I realise now that regrets are aplenty: I should have started earlier and the like. Seriously, if I get to pull this one off, and that is, score what people expect of me, I'll gladly do a dance on results day. Mark my words.

Everyday, there's only so much to do :- eat, study, shit/pee, sleep. How mundane. I'm starting to feel like a android, without a soul nor emotion, but merely one purpose that is to... study?

In a way, I can't wait for SPM to come (and of course, be over!) because that would mean, when it's over, it's over! Everything about secondary school will be a thing of the past and it's time to look forward into the future. My, the future.

I think it's all too common for parents to want their children to do something that they themselves harbour for their ownselves since a long time ago. Like say, I wanted to be a doctor when I was younger but I ended up selling fake DVDs as an adult- that kind of longing, so I pass that dream to my child, hoping he/she will accept it in due time.
But maybe I'm just cynical. I'm sure there's freedom in some sense. Not that I know what I want to do yet.
Yeah sure, maybe I do have loads of time to think about it, but I don't want to be hasty when I'm running short of it.

Just the other day, my dad asked me "what I want to do" [note: 'what I want to do' at this stage always means 'what I want to study for my degree.' Long-term thinking indeed]
This question makes me feel like I'm in a "put-on-the-spot" situation.

When you're 'put on the spot', you deflect. So I deflected:
"I don't want to do any other Pre-U course but XXXXXXX" [I'd rather write XXXXXXX because I might change my mind next time :P]

"Aiyah, I mean after that. For degree."

"You giving me a choice ah? [Stunned but elated]

"So you want me to decide for you?"

"Well..... So if I want to do business, can lah?" [Note: Sarcasm. I prefer science disciplines]

"Business actually ah ...." [Begins education lecture]

So I guess that meant I deflected the initial question. And I'm still undecided.
I guess I'm anxious whether the choice I make will get their blessings or not.

But yeah, SPM's in another month. Creeps.
I have a problem.

This problem lies within me.

This problem cannot be dug out and be inspected physically.

This problem can only be alleviated with time.

This problem is coarsened by the world.

What is the problem?

The problem is me.

* * * * * *
Problematic problems.
Everyone seems to have them.

You know what I think?
I think we make our problems seem worse than they really, really are.
But the strange thing sometimes is that we compare ourselves with other people's problems, and then we feel better because we're much better off than they are.
Cruel, or smart solution?

Problems will be problems until we solve them. That is, if they really were problems to start with.