Happy Christmas and Happy Boxing Day!
Being a pessimist is not such a bad thing since you're either being constantly proven right or pleasantly surprised.

Not such a bad idea now is it?

Who knew that it could be (ironically) such a good thing after all?
Exams coming up!

I believe IELTS is an exam.


Yeah. Hope all goes well and I get the band I want to go to Australia. It's really interesting to see what happens this Wednesday during my speaking test (and others' for that matter, oh GOOD LUCK to Yi Rhu who'll be sitting for hers this week too : )!!!! ) because I don't know if I'll get that desperate till I start being pretentious and speak with an Aussie accent.

Crazy, but blimey, it could all happen to a sheila like me!

Haven't gotten quite down to business, but I hope I can pull myself together and start writing proper essays. (yeah, right)


Life is absolutely crazy.

One minute you're up and the next thing you know, you're down.

Just like the stormy seas.


I'll save it for next time. Going crazy now with all the talking-to-myself syndrome for speaking test tomorrow. Hah!


Love the show, love the wit, love Patrick, and the cute-ness (although I don't understand why it's supposedly a children's show. Kids don't get the jokes, or do they?)
I think it's great for everyone of every age, different appeals as the show has.

Call it stupid, but I call it humour.
At its finest :P

I know what it feels like to wander around other people's blogs and not see any updates for a long time.

Truth be told, I'm guilty for being that sort of blogger myself. Heheh

Anyway, I think posting up pictures to posts attracts more attention, or at least my narrow mind thinks so.

Well, an optical illusion that is rather mind-boggling as to why (not how) it works, I think you'd better take a look at it as well :)

Stare at the black dot at the middle of the picture for about a minute.

The colourful fluff around the dot will vanish!!!!!

Stare at the four black dots in the middle. (maybe for a minute)

After that, look at the wall and spot the image of Jesus!

*Note: The optical illusions require much concentration, so don't come running to me if it doesn't work; it ain't foolproof dears! :)
The year's going to end pretty soon. All I want to say is.....

Prepare for next year, and don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today. ;)

p.s.-anyone who wants a dota kaki(a bit noob-ish), please give me a call:)
...since I left my previous college to join a new one in BU.

And I could not have imagine doing the things I have started to do since my time here, then.

Some of them being:-

~A gradual 'convert' to the wonderful world of Manga (and hence the Japanese language= Watashiwa Germae-des)

~Playing DoTA (and enjoying it-Rikimaru, Bradwarden, Jakiro)

~Sleeping in the wee hours of the morning and calling that 'a normal time for sleeping' (3 am? No problem!)

~Spending recklessly (well, maybe not so wreckless, just slightly indiscriminate)

~Typing without looking at the keyboard (I'm still getting through one sentence with at least one glance)

That's all there is to it. Sprucing up some skills while I still have the capacity for it!!!
The answer is : I don't know. If you know the answer, please let me know and I'll get to the solution as soon as possible.

I believe people like looking at pictures more than reading a bunch of nonsense, so here's something I observed. (If I'm a late-bloomer, congrats to you) Maybe that's why I lack the hits.

As I hope you know, on the 31st of each month with 31 days, Baskin Robbins offers a 31% discount on all hand-packed items (not like it makes much of a difference on the affordability scale).

Famous for having 31 signature flavours, the "31 flavours" slogan is so obviously embedded into the Baskin Robbins logo.

Back in 2000, this was the logo used by Baskin Robbins as I remembered:

Since then, they've changed it to this.

When the new logo first became apparent, I wondered where did the number 31 go.
And then I had a closer look.
Millions have been mesmerized with what is out there, the infinite skies, the mystery behind the black veil that shrouds us at night, the gleaming stars that illuminate the dark night.

The dark can be a beautiful yet brief spectacle because it is never too long before it is light again.

If I had a canvas to lie on and stare at the night sky, I would gladly do so to pass the time (rather than napping for hours on end).

But alas, there is nothing to stare at where I live. The night sky looks as sparse as this (or even more sparse than this):-

very bad depiction; I don't know the constellations by heart.

People sing of it, made documentaries about it, wrote books on it.
Stars is what they are.

I don't think I have ever seen more stars at night than I did yesterday while in Pahang.

There were so many they looked like they were flooding the space:
better depiction than previous one. Yes indeed.

The sight simply took my breath away (not literally). There were just so many. So MANY I TELL YOU!
It's these sort of things you don't normally get to experience in the city. And then there was the beach.

Oh, the grains of sand, so fine and soft beneath your feet. The feeling of sinking is interesting because you don't fall too deep, but yet it feels somewhat insecure.

The blue skies and seemingly endless horizon. Spectacular.

Oh, and the fireflies! Fireflies are like Christmas lights on a Christmas tree at night. If I didn't know any better, they look like twinkling stars. Pretty pretty! [due to the darkness and the prohibition of flash photography, no pictures have been taken]

If you have the time, go visit Malaysia's coastal areas. The city isn't the only thing that's bright at night ;)
Selamat Hari Raya, one and all!

Wish I could join in the festivities but I'm off to Pahang later in the morning today. If it ain't wilderness I' m seeing, then it's not worth the trip, eh?

Maaf Zahir dan Batin kepada seluruh umat Islam di Malaysia
been M.I.A for the whole of September. Can only imagine who comes by this blog now....

anyways, just for the sake of filling in something for the month of October (if it ever happens that I go M.I.A again, it sure won't with this posted)


Carrefour logo. Look for the alphabet 'C'. It's white in colour.

If you find it, congrats. Never see the sign the same way again.


If anything pops up, October won't be solo. Toodlez~
I tell you what, how and when to do it. I am an authoritarian.

I don't care what you do or how you do it. I am apathetic.

I don't know what on earth you're talking about. I am ignorant.


Hi there, it's me again.

If you're a bona fide economics freak, then you had better read this book twice round in this year alone.

If you're not then, well, it might just be a good read still. Apart from the fiction novels, this could be a little harder to swallow since it's all real serious stuff.

There is nothing interesting to read in the blogosphere. Everything seems cold and stale. I'm very much in apathy nowadays, fyi..
Hypocritical if you consider this post..
Now that I'm staying in a hostel, I have to be responsible for my own food, lavatory cleanliness and laundry among other things.

The rooms here are pretty standard: Every room comes with a ceiling fan, study table, lights, locker, bedframe and mattress. (They're not in very pristine conditions, but it's still livable)

And then there's the toilet.

~If you're living with two other people, you share the responsibility of its cleanliness.

~If you're living with two other uncooperative people, you bear the burden and frustration of who's going to (reluctantly) clean it next.

But that's besides the point. (Although it acts as a reminder to those who are outstation/overseas-bound that having housemates comes with a 'fair' amount of bane. Beware!)

As I was taking my shower the other day, I peered into the forsaken hole a.k.a. toilet bowl and wondered how much dirtier it really was than from what I could actually see.

You see, the toilets in all the units of my hostel are not uniformed, in the sense, the colours aren't the same. My friend's is white (not to mention her toilet is much more spacious than mine, sigh) and the one I have in my unit is dark blue.

She came to my unit one day and said how she liked the colour of my toilet. Then, I said to her that I liked the colour of her toilet. In my heart I was like "What is the matter with you? If got dirty waste bits sticking at the side also you don't know, ewwwwwwwwwww," but this is no cause of argument, as much as we debate over a number of things, so moving along....

At that point in time when I was having a shower and unintentionally glimpsed into the toilet bowl (for crying out loud, the toilet bowl itself occupies a quarter of the entire toilet space), I thought to myself, "I can't see what the hell is below the water surface. Shit. *pun unintended*"

It got me thinking.

This scenario made me wonder:

Would you rather be

a person who is conspicuous; who doesn't choose to mask himself from any of his wrongs, but instead allows himself to be corrected and has no qualms about it, much like a white toilet?


someone who pretends and intentionally hides himself, leaving his world to be a self-perpetuating one full of wrongs that cannot be seen?

I might not be making sense at the moment because my world is not making a lot of sense. Wake up wake up.
I have nothing to blog about.

Going for English classes makes me realise how much I didn't know or thought I knew about the English language, not to mention having me double, triple-check even, my words. Sucks.

For the past week, I have been reading this bestseller book (non-fiction, I must add) and quite frankly, it makes you want to correct the punctuations around you, especially if you're a stickler at heart.
(This is part of my wide-variety book-reading mission, no more stick-to-one-genre reading. *nods violently*)
It's time to open up, broaden horizons, take on a new lease in life, do something you have longed to do....
Oh my, starting to feel apathy in my bones. Bah.

A week in KBU has passed. Sorry to those who commented on the previous post, but I don't usually reply people's comments there, but I'll do it here (So much for having a comment space-_-"). So...Thank you for your well wishes. (Adeline, I hope you're feeling fine and well now, especially that shoulder of yours when I need it 'cos I could use it-thanks!) I hope they come true because right now, I feeling a little apprehensive at times when I'm there.

Most probably will be updating as sporadically as every week or so (not like people are anticipating my next post or what right?), unless I receive my student ID earlier. (But I'm not so much the rant-blogger, so I guess I can spare you all the trouble of listening to my complaints on the world wide web, and hence, not barge you with so much inconsequential blah)

Yesterday was 07.07.07. To the numerous couples who tied the knot yesterday (and not to mention take on a new plunge into married life), perhaps yesterday was a (numerically) auspicious day to do it. I mean come on, wouldn't 07.07.07 look SO GOOD a date to print on your wedding reception invitations, especially since a play with numbers is very easily memorized?

Let's take for an example:-

Now that's sexy. Mm hmm! And I surely won't forget the date and time! (whether I'm the wedded one or a guest)

Let's see the other dates similar to this one:-
  • 08.08.08 (8.08 p.m., still ok right?)
  • 09.09.09 (9.09 p.m. not so feasible)
  • 10.10.10 (Er, let's not push it)
  • 11.11.11 (11 a.m. maybe?)
  • 12.12.12 ("Happy Hour" more like)
Hope something special comes up on those dates for all of you! (Well, it doesn't always have to be a wedding, does it? ;-)
Signing off now. Take care, God bless!
Today officially marks the second day of the next half of the year, I think. (Is that right Gregorian?)

I have officially been made redundant by Taylor's as of July. My student ID is no longer valid and I can't sneak up on my ex-classmates' new timetable for the next Semester and so forth. Sad.

Time to move on I suppose!

KBU here I *gulp* come.....

I've always wanted to change my blog template but I never seem to get it done, not even halfway. How exasperating.

It's like this:
#1=Coding planned. Never meticulously altered. Hence, dissatisfied-dismiss blog template changing.

#2=Found nice templates, not suitable for Blogger platform. Cis.

#3=Change of heart occurs. 'Dots' template seemed embellished enough to be retained. Poignant, in fact, to change.

#4=Previous edits must be added if want to stay in new template. Lazy. Bleak.

And that's why I haven't done any changing. Looks like I'm the type resistant of change, whether it is naturally-occuring or not. Aiseh.

I hope the change that is KBU won't bring so much of a bad experience. At the very most, just the slight discomfort of a new college. Every new thing usually brings some form of intimidation to an individual. That's my philosophy.
Whether you want to overcome it and have yourself empowered by the experience or just simply resist, I hope it's the former, you guys.

July, July. Thou art here now.
Half the year has come and passed
The immature can never last
Wake me up when July begins

Like my father come bit old
Sixteen years has gone so fast
Wake me up when July begins

Here comes the sound again
Falling from the clock
Drenched in my worries
Becoming who we're not

As my memory fails
But never recalls what I should
Wake me up when July begins

Half the year has come and passed
The immature can never last
Wake me up when July begins

Ring out the cash again
Like we did when we went broke
Wake me up when July begins

Here comes the sound again
Falling from the clock
Drenched in my worries
Becoming who we're not

As my memory fails
But never recalls what I should
Wake me up when July begins

Half the year has come and passed
The immature can never last
Wake me up when July begins

Like my father come bit old
Twenty years will come by soon
Wake me up when July begins
Wake me up when July begins
Wake me up when July begins
Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
It's an atlas book. Let's see...."Typical place. Mean latitude." Errrr...

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Done. More room left to reach.

What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A documentary on the emotion 'fear'

Without looking, guess what time it is.


Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
10.21 a.m. I'm near-psychic!

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The neighbour behind my house deep frying.

When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About 14 hours ago. Just coming back from Sunway Pyramid.

Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Yi Rhu's blog. Like duh. (See I so fast faster do!)

What are you wearing?

Blue shirt with blue floral shorts.

Did you dream last night?
I forgot. Something along the lines of seeing people walking past.

When did you last laugh?

Yesterday night. Please lah, it's so early in the morning to do anything comical.

What are on the walls you are in?
Calendar, sockets, hanging bills.

Seen anything weird lately?
A very strange looking pair of pants in Parkson yesterday. If the fashion police were around, I'm sure they would have confiscated it. And burnt it.

What do you think of this quiz?

It's just another reason to blog.

What is the last film you saw?

Shrek 3

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

A new wardrobe. Don't worry that won't cost more than 10000 bucks I promise. The rest will go into my savings account. : )

Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I'm hot. (-_-")

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Have everyone lead an honest life.

George Bush:

..has middle name 'Dick'? Hah.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Never thought about daughters. I sure will now.

Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Travis. Haha.

Would you ever consider living abroad?

Very possibly.

What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Germae, come on in and join the party!." But I thought St. Peter was the one at the Pearly Gates. Hmmmmmmmm.....

Tag 5 people who must also do this in THEIR journal:
1. Cheeps
2. Sara
3. Adeline
4. BB
5. Wern Ching
(Do not feel compelled to do it, but do feel obliged to.=)

Cuti-cuti Malaysia. Don't let it slip you by......

Saw some really really absurd bargains by Malaysia Airlines today in the papers. RM1 flights from KL to anywhere in Peninsular Malaysia.
All the more reason to go for a holiday! So go go go!

Had a great time in Genting these past two days. Not so much of a photographer so here goes. :PThe skyway way in the foggy morning. Nothing much to see here.

Lunch at Pizza Hut. Thanks Wei Han for cutting them into small bits for my braces-ed teeth!

Pei Wern, Lay Pin, Me, Eugene, Wei Han. Misty misty.

Sam-patness. Mun Jean, Eugene, Yi Rhu, Pei Wern, Me, Heng Ji, Lay Pin & Wei Han. 8 is a lucky number.

BB gets you into screaming fits and outlandish behaviour. :D [I like]

I have nothing further to add. All I'm saying is thanks Yi Rhu, Lay Pin, Pei Wern, Mun Jean, Wei Han, Eugene and Heng Ji for the holiday.

And happy hour too. Unfortunately Lucky got no pics of "Happy Hour."


Watch it, so the funny.
I have to let this out. It's going to be about what happened today and I don't normally go on about my day. There's just something about Physics teachers. (I've had three all my life, and they have something quite in common that is uniquely, a Physics teacher's thang)

This week's my last in Taylor's and it's examination week. So I don't get to see my lecturers everyday as much.

After Physics exam was over, I headed down the stairs towards the Programme Office and I saw my Physics teacher, Mr. Leong. I wanted to see him and say 'Hi' because I might not see him on Friday or ever again after today.
As the conversation on ballistic galvonometers (not my idea for a topic of discussion but an accompanying friend's) with Mr. Leong was over, we parted ways and then I said "bye" to him.
He replied "Bye" in the usual, casual, I'll-see-you-tomorrow-so-this-isn't-a-very-important-goodbye tone as he was walking away, and then he stopped, turned back and said "Germae, you are leaving right?"

So I said "Yes," and he said "Bye" again but this time with a huge smile on his face and with his arm waving at me, poised and frozen for about 3 seconds.
I don't think I conveyed my feelings toward the whole situation here as how I actually felt when it happened, and the only word that I can bring to mind is that he looked cute doing it, and I don't know why but I felt.... touched. It was a very nice gesture somehow.
It just made me feel very happy and it was the thing that made my day today.

What more, as I was having a long chat with a few friends at the guardhouse, I saw Mr. Leong again, walking out of college.
I glanced at him and he looked my way and he did the same thing again, and I can't help but think that it was still and awfully nice gesture.
Maybe I'm overdramatisizing but you must understand, you need to be in my shoes to be able to relate.

Oh, and when I say cute, don't get the wrong idea. Mr. Leong is a man in his late 50's or early 60's, not sure, never dared to ask, who is also a grandfather.
Cute in this context means.... the older men kinda cute. Nothing appealing, just ... adorable!

Shucks... Taylor's, sayonara.
Name : Germae Phua
Birth Date : 20-4-1990
Current Status : Single
Eye Colour : Brown
Hair Colour : Black with strands of natural white
Right or left : Right

My Heritage : Full-Fledge Chinese (who is also a complete banana)
My Fears : Being alone for the rest of my life
My weaknesses : Bad tempers and blood
My Perfect Pizza : Hawaiian is S-H-I-O-K

My thoughts first waking up : What day is today?
My bedtime : 11-1. Varies according to studying needs. (the more to study, the earlier I go to bed)
My most missed memory: When I was younger. The past is always missed.

Pepsi or coke : Pepsi
Single or group dates : Single
Adidas or Nike : Nike. Adidas. Wait, other than the logos, I can't tell them apart.
Tea or Nestea : Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee : Coffee

Smoke : No
Curse : Without fail.
Take a shower : Of course. Baths are very wasteful.
Have a crush : Yes.
Think you've been in love : Not for real.
Go to school : Yes. College, it's called now.
Want to get married : Yes. I don't plan on celibacy.
Believe in yourself : Yes. Not all the time, but yes.
Think you're a health freak : Thinking is not the same as behaving, so I'll give a yes.

Drank alcohol : Yes.
Gone to the mall : Yes.
Been on stage : Hell yeah.
Eaten sushi : Yes.
Dyed your hair : No. I could really use it though.

Played a stripping game : No.
Changed who you were to fit in : Not really. I just assimilated into it without having to change anything about myself.

To be married : Anytime as long I've been in a relationship long enough prior to getting married.
Before 30 would be ideal :)

Best eye colour : Brown, blue, green, grey, hazel, whatever. As long they're not in any other God-forsaken colour.
Best hair colour : Anything as long as it's not a God-forsaken colour. :P
Short hair or long hair : Short hair. No hair also can.

A minute ago : Sms-ing.
Hour ago : Watching TV.
1 day ago : Cramming for exams.
1 month ago : Busy doing college stuff.
Year ago : Enjoying Mid-year break back in High School(haih.....).

I love : you.
I feel : unhealthy.
I hate : foolishness.
I hide : my worries.
I miss: being young and care-free.
I need : faith and a little bit more cash.

(THis chain letter ends here. Except for one other person, heh)


This post would have been a repeat of the previous one, except that it won't be so much of a first-time experience anymore.

Since I've explained it before, there's nothing else to say here except that in over a week's time, I will have something that looks like this:-

:D :D :D

Let me get something straight first. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is also relative. So if you think you are so beautiful, you might look very average to me and a lot of others. But you know, people are beautiful if their personality is beautiful. If you beg to differ, go ahead. It may sound all that cliché but I hope people who believe that beauty is merely external then well, there is more than meets the eye. (Though visual stimuli is terribly exciting at some point, hehe)

Anyway, in my attempt to straighten my crooked smile(honestly, I can't stand it), I had to extract some teeth today.
For all those who have had this experience before, you can stop from here. But if you want to read on to see how my experince went then, please, do continue. :-D

I stepped into the clinic for a 4 pm appointment but I reached at 3.30 because I skipped LAN (heh, I couldn't care less anyway). I thought I could pass the time away but before I could settle down in the waiting room, they called me into the doctor's room. I had to settle down in the chair. The chair which can go up, down, reclined. It's the .....

DENTIST'S CHAIR!!!!!! *gulp*

So there I was, before my stated appointment time, getting my gums numbed. Oh, by the way, the size of the syringe is longer (from one end to the edge of the nozzle/needle) than the farthest my thumb and middle finger can reach. I'm serious!

Just because it's longer doesn't mean it's going to cause more pain. But it still DOES inflict pain.
Anyway, the dentist injects the topical anaesthesia into my gums and after about 5 minutes, you could give me a slap and all I can feel is a light touch. I'm telling you, it felt like.... nothing. Oh, but the jab, it hurts, not to the point of crying but it is very, very tolerable. Though, the dentist remarked, "You have a very high threshold for pain. Most others flinch when I do it."

-Yay, being told that.... even better than getting candy!

Next, she takes this pliers-like thingy that she used to pry your tooth from the gums. When I say pry, I mean pry! She turn left, turn right, turn left, turn right so vigourously it looks like it was as if she was opening a tight lid of a peanut butter jar!
But you sure won't feel a thing. Just much pressure that's all (pressure does not equal pain, not in this instance anyway)

Repeat process.

Two teeth gone. Money also.

A lot of blood spewed out of my mouth and I can't close my mouth cos' it was still numb. Drinking water is a funny event cos' you can't seem to keep your mouth closed for the water to stay in and be swallowed. Not for me at least, HAH.

I got souvenirs!!!!!!:-


But I still feel like I've lost a huge part of me. My premolars had been very good to me while it was part of me. *sniff*

Now, there are cavities (no, not the decay in tooth kind) in my mouth, and I feel a little empty inside (my mouth).

(Excuse the totally unrelated title, I'm just reminded of the guitar right now)
There are two dreaded things which I can count down to right now.

#1-The start of my first semester exams.


#2-The day I put my braces on.


And then there are two things I can happily count down to.

#1-The day my second sister comes home for her summer holidays


#2-The day my eldest sister comes home for her summer holidays.

(Too bad I can't go driving them around just yet)

Update:- I have rubberbands inserted in between my molars and premolar (2nd molar, rubberband, 1st premolar, rubberband, 2nd premolar) in my mouth and they're hurting my mouth and hence, eating. If this is just the start of the whole orthodontic treatment, I bet I'm going to lose my sanity in bits, and not to mention some weight. Golly, a blessing in disguise (a very painful disguise I must say)!

Will be extracting teeth somewhere this week and I'm all ready for the pain and grumpiness. Soft, unscrumptious food, here I (gulp!) come

(Decided to skip the countdown thing, I'm not in the state to count with this aching rubber in my mouth)
So long never write post ady. I feel so... clueless.

But whatever.

The last post, dated 11 May 2007, was concerning an offer I had to go study in Australia and it's practically free money being thrown at my face. And it's not even the rude throw where people patronize you kind. It's a windfall I tell ya!

I'll probably be leaving Taylor's in another three weeks time and I guess I will really miss everyone there.

KBU, here I come. *fat ass moving up and down, left and right; stomp stomp stomp*

But it's going to be so bloody difficult to readjust myself into a new atmosphere, with new people and a new kind of life (I'll be staying in a (oh my!) hostel, NOOOOOOO) and after all, I've been so comfortable with this bunch of people I call my friends since I realised that if I can't beat 'em, I might as well join 'em. (I don't mean to make them sound like bad influence, I just meant that I might as well tolerate them and get down and dirty since I had the biggest likelihood of seeing them for the next 1.5 years right? That is, of course, until this happened)

Well, even when people go asking me "Wah, then this part of your A-Levels, all wasted la?"

To some extent, yes. But I choose to be optimistic and say that "Yeah well, a better offer has come my way, and even if you don't think so, I think so. Besides, it is my life."
I don't hope on sounding as if I couldn't give another thought about what you have to say, but really, if I applied for it and didn't see this coming, I would definitely not see it as something worth going for. I'm not the kind to waste my time doing something if I didn't think what I was doing is worth the time when/if it comes true. (but that doesn't mean what I do is always beneficial la.)

That's all folks. See you next time on an up and coming new post that's sure to dazzle your day! [no promises on my blog, sorry]


Am in love with Switchfoot's "Let Your Love Be Strong" right now. Beautiful. Just beautiful.
...with Switchfoot.

In this world of news, I've found nothing new
I've found nothing pure
Maybe I'm just idealistic to assume that truth
Could be fact and form
That love could be a verb
Maybe I'm just a little misinformed

As the dead moon rises, and the freeways sigh
Let the trains watch over the tides and the mist
Spinning circles in our skies tonight
Let the trucks roll in from Los Angeles
Maybe our stars are unanimously tired

Let your love be strong, and I don't care what goes down
Let your love be strong enough to weather through the thunder cloud
Fury and thunder clap like stealing the fire from your eyes
All of my world hanging on your love

Let the wars begin, let my strength wear thin
Let my fingers crack, let my world fall apart
Train the monkeys on my back to fight
Let it start tonight
When my world explodes, when my stars touch the ground
Falling down like broken satellites

All of my world resting on your love

Switchfoot - "Let Your Love Be Strong"
Hats off to my friend Adeline Heng for her unadulterated, uncensored, pure-genius and genuine blog. Welcome to the world of blogging, and I think you're on to doing something great with your true honesty and no-nonsense blab.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes people, even if you may not know it is my birthday today.

It's not about the cake.
It's not about the party.
It's not about the presents.
(Not like I had any of these today, heck)
It's the day, and thanks for my 17th.

I received many wishes, thanks for all of them, and for some....:-

Hope you don't start noticing the wrinkles.

Anything 'special' tonite?

You're now 17, a year to go before you're legally able to buy cigarettes....right.

Now you can learn how to drive! My baybeh is all grown up:)


Happy b'day germie bear.

Oh God you're 17 already!

Happy Birthday to the other million who celebrate today as their birthday :-D!

Note: Don't skim on the candles, insist for more since they determine
the number of wishes you can make (RIGHT) ;-P

And another 'Happy Birthday' to the one other person who I personally know shares a birthday with me:
Happy Birthday Aaron Lee, may you feel the joy(and worries) of turning 21. Oooooh. Everything's legal now: P (You better be reading this)

A couple of weeks back, the family "ate air" to Morib, you know, just to see the changes it went through after all these years.

Makan angin-ingEating air in Morib. Breathtaking, but just keep looking only to the left.

There were some major changes. Paved platforms, rest shades, a flea market, warungs, and the numerous kite/toys/gimmick/kids-come-and buybuybuy! stalls just a stone's throw from the sand.

People flying kitesGo fly kite!

The coolest signboard everHands down for this signage [plastered on a not surprising unmanned lifeguard watch tower] :-
"Awaslah kamu daripada berduaan dengan wanita demi Allah yang jiwaku ditangan-nya. Tiada seorang lelaki yang berduaan dengan wanita melainkan dimasuki syaitan antara keduanya."
Oh dear.

Alas, the one thing that hasn't change is undoubtedly the unforgiving habit of littering. There you go, another Malaysian setback.
Apalah Wawasan 2020 nih?
So much so, it becomes part of the attraction to Morib, almost as if that's its identity. I hope it's not. I guess that's justified when you don't see any foreigners there. None. Zero. (Could be because it's now the low season for the tide of tourists, but I don't think Morib is on the itinerary of any tour to start with!)

Despite all that, getting down to the beach and wetting your feet under the blistering mid-noon sun is just something you don't come by too often (since we cityfolk aren't blessed with the vicinities of a beach just a walk away from home.)
And man, it was a breath of fresh beach air.

And now, time for some photoblogging(as miserably few as they are):-

The HermitI finally met a hermit........crab. Hey, still counts for something, right?

That's a hermit crab, walking about in its 'disposable' shell. I wanted to pick up the shell and have it for keeps but then it started moving when I touched it. Lucky thing it kept its claws to itself.

The Hermit 2 Even crabs can't keep their hands off of money!!!!

This, was my father's finding. I thought it was an excellent piece of seashell, only to turn it over and find rough hairy legs. OH!

Gross thingyStare at it long enough, it'll start too look really naugty.
But of course, looking at it close up proves more gross than naughty.

EwwwwwAh, seafood. Fat chance I'm eating that, though.

This....was.....just.....gross. Something popped out from it in the top photo before it came to look like this in the second photo. I know, gruesome as it might sound, but it fell out so spontaneously, one might wonder what the hell that white trunk-like thingy is for to start with.

: l Look like this: : l
And for matters pertaining with poor estimate of dimensions, here's a picture of the gross thingy, the shell with a crab inside, and a 10 sen coin.

A visit to the beach has one helluva lot of things to discover, if only you dig deep enough, don't give a damn about the freaking sun and not be easily squeamish.

*The END*
Here's a post that I've read many moons ago, was gripped with emotion over the beauty of these poetic words, and thus felt it's worth sharing to the world(mainly to those who happen to come by this blog). Courtesy goes to Khek, for being as honest and sincere as you are when you wrote this.

Dear girl,

I tried putting myself in your shoes, in your mind, to question all that I’ve done, was it right or wrong? Was it good or bad? The answer was to be, there were no rights or wrongs, nor good or bad, there’s no black and white answer, and everything lies in a shade of grey. You look for a Man and King of your heart, your home, and your love.

You looked for a Man who would take care of you, and love you forever, for as of now you are young and lovely, like the bud of a flowering rose, but the rose may fade, from your soft young cheeks, and you wonder if he will love you during the mid autumn’s falling leaves, as he did during the blossoming flowers of May.

You question the depth of his heart for you, is it deeper than the deepest ocean, taller than the tallest tree, when seas go rough and whether he’ll let his sail free and be there for you. You question the honesty and truthfulness in him, and as they say, a loving woman finds heaven or hell, on the day she’s made a bride.

These are a woman’s questions to the Man, who has to be true, each and every feeling, tinge of hair, and every part of him, of whom, you would stake your life to be all he’s demanded of you. These are your questions, your demands, your rights, for a Man to win a woman’s good, good heart, a woman’s life, and a woman’s love.

The end

*This is a tribute to all woman in the world, the right to love the right person and be loved equally in return*
I don't wanna change the world. By changing the world, i'm assuming the role of God. The way the world is now can only stay this way. I, as a person, am only capable of help, to help those in need, to be the one who offers a hand when someone needs it. That's what I wanna do with my life.

I wanna be a person who helps, whether it is by improving or making a person's life slightly more comfortable. I can never CHANGE the WHOLE world, but I can be a part of it.

{Everything by Lifehouse hums in the background}

If you're in the mood for some comedy today, tomorrow, or this time round, watch this movie. It's got to be on of my favourite comedies of all time. With a star-studded cast and a script everyone can laugh to, it's worth your while watching it.
This show's along the lines of the 1970's hit mystery cartoon "Scooby Doo", minus the canine character and the haunting perpetrators.
Easy to watch and simple to understand mystery show, you know?;-)

The setting for this movie takes place in France, so Inspector Jacques Clouseau (Steve Martin), is a French police officer who was plucked from obscurity and assigned to the task of solving the murder of French soccer team coach, Yves Gluant (Jason Statham) whose expensive 'Pink Panther' diamond ring was incidentally stolen as well. (that's why most of their names sound French and their accents are in think French).

Here's some lines from the movie and if they don't get you laughing already, watch it for yourself:-

Ponton (Jean Renu): You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau (Steve Martin): It's true. My surprises, they are rarely unexpected.


Inspector Jaques Clouseau : A woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.


Bizu(William Abadie): And now he's pushing up the daisies.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not 'pushing up the daisies,' he is DEAD!
Bizu: [glares] It's an idiom!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: *You*, sir, are the idiom. (what he really meant was 'idiot'.)


Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to take a closer look at your bawls.
Larocque(Roger Rees): My what?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Your bawls. Your big, brass bawls.
Larocque: Uh, sure.
[starts to unzip pants]
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: [Picks up brass bowl on table and examines it]

Well, watch it, laugh out loud, and have a great entertaining time. Btw, it's funny without having to be dirty. Good, thumbs up!
I recently got a dvd player. Note that there is no 'new' before 'dvd player'. Yup, it took this family a significantly long time to get a hold of one for the house. The first, and perhaps only one, since we take electronic items as things with a long shelf-life. What's technology if they don't tahan lama?

It's simple really to operate one. For the older ones in the house, getting it started is way of a lot more to ask than if I were told to do the laundry (which I don't normally do anyway).

This is how I depict it. It's much wider and thinner than I drew it here. But the outlines are more or less alike.

And this is how it works........
  1. This is a button you must press first in order to get it to functioning mode.
  2. This is where you put that small shiny slim plate-like thingy that has moving pictures and sounds in it.
  3. This is what you press to get the tray thingy to come out to put the plate-like thingy into.
  4. And this, the most complicated of all, has four functions in one button. Wah, how on earth to press man? One is to go, one is to stop; one is to go faster forward, one to go faster backward. Chun man, like remote-control car only.
And now, just need those shiny small slim plate-like thingys to start using it.
How much have YOU changed in the last 10 years ?

April 1 1997.(19 more days to me being 7)

1) How old were you?

2)Where did you go to school?

3)Where did you work?
7 year olds who get slave-driven by their sisters count as work right.

4)Where did you live?
Subang Jaya

5)Where did you hang out?
Home is where the heart is. 7 year old me then don't get out much.

6)Did you wear glasses?

7)Who was your best friend?
Can't remember. It had to be Hanin.

8)How many tattoos did you have?

9)How many piercings did you have?
Two. One for each ear.

10)What car did you drive?
Nicht. Nil.

11)Had you been to a real party?
Define real. Perhaps relatively at this age, YES.

12)Had your heart broken?
Don't recall any heartbreaks.

April 1 2002

1.) How old were you?

2.) Where did you go to school?

3.) Where did you work?
Still, being slave-driven by sisters.

4.) Where did you live?
Subang Jaya.

5.) Where did you hang out?
Friend's place. Sunway Pyramid (due to its close proximity)

7.) Who was your best friend?

8.) Who was your regular-person crush?
Nicht. Nil.

9.) How many tattoos did you have?

10.) How many piercing did you have?
2 still.

11.) What car did you drive?
Plastic toy car.

12) Had you had your heart broken?
By now, I've moved to a stage where I leave my heart at home.

April 1 2007

1.) How old are you?

2) Where do you work?
Sisters left for studies. No longer slave-driven so was 'unemployed'

3) Where do you live?
Subang Jaya.

4.) Do you wear glasses?
Hahah! Still a NO.

5.) Where do you hang out?
Sunway Pyramid. College. Asia Club.

6.) Who is your best friend?
By now got quite a number,

8.) Do you talk to your old friends?
You old friends can slap me if I don't.

9.) How many piercing do you have?
3. Two on the left ear and one on the right.

10.) How many tattoos?
Still none.

11.) What kind of car do you drive?
Cast iron car. I've driven a Kenari before (shhhh, it was a 'trial run')

12.) Has your heart been broken?
Heart? No. Pride? Yes.

And I tag...

Gill (for all those years of slave driving :-P).

I have a blog for a number of reasons:-

-Vent my emotions which range from the frustrated to the clueless (most of the time it seems to be on these two extreme ends only)
-A creative outlet when pen and paper just don't seem very appealing
-To document a little bit of my life, although there's no one who actually follows this without the foreknowledge of who I am to start with so this reason should come on the bottom but this ain't chronological
-A photoblog (now this seems quite non-existent, but really, it does come about once in a while. Like, just once in a while.)

And, for the most part, what I want to do is to get in touch with my emotions, to pen them down, and then one day look back and see where I've progressed to:- whether I've developed as a person, or whether I've retrogressed, which sucks from any angle you look at it.


It's funny how observations are made. It's made by a person on a subject. You don't observe yourself in the mirror and call that a valid observation. Firstly, you can't really tell what you're doing, conciously or not, and back it up with some scientific approach as to why you're doing it. Secondly, you make yourself a test subject in your own experiment. Very funny la. But you know, it's good to observe yourself, or at least, be aware of who you are as a person, what you do and say, because when you do an observation, you study it, draw a conclusion and learn something new. By being a seperate personality from your usual self and just give it a go, you'll learn something about yourself. And perhaps, fix it.
My point here is, sometimes we go through our everyday lives thinking about ourselves, but not as to who we are or what un-nice things we said to that stranger today, or the things we failed to do that could have been done which might have made one other person smile. But instead, we think about ourselves from a POV that's selfish, others-effacing and clearly ignorant of anyone but ourselves.

This isn't a personal attack on anyone, and I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, because it's a free world, so you can do as you like (don't mistake it with complacency): kill a tortoise, drink 8 cartons of beer in one night, sing in the showers with a stereo system on, slap a stranger, jump down a well. All you got to do is live with the repercussions later.
It's really the choices we have and make that make us who we are. And what I just mentioned up there, it's just my POV. And you might strongly disagree, but I don't blame you. To disagree with something is only normal, right? I mean, I disagree with some Malaysian policies, you know, so is half of Malaysia, but heck..... Can't change it now can we?
So go ahead and be who you want to be, this is your life, and live it the way you want to. I just hope and pray that things will turn out better for those out there who I know, whether you count on changing or not, because after this life, believe me or not when I say eternal bliss or damnation await you. If you don't, then take the rule of karma: What goes around comes around. There's just something at the end. I know it. I can feel it.

My dream is :- to be a better person. And what I mean by better? I won't know until I'm there. It can only be experienced for oneself, no?

"Be the change you want to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi

Amen to that.
That daunting day was over; I find it so much of a relief now.

As to WHAT the end result was, let's just say it's a relative thing. Good in a sense, satisfactory in another.

I'm sorry, but if you've ever stumbled upon a phrase which goes something like "Success is determined by others; satisfaction is determined by you," then I guess, the success and satisfaction of my achievement are very much different from the other.

Click to enlarge, but trust me, there's nothing much you can see; you'll have to ask me personally.

Hope things will still be as POSITIVE like Janus995 is starting to influence me with. I have to say, being positive is just... tiring and superficial at times. But I'm not giving up! (You hear me Cheeps?)

Anywho, I'm glad this whole hullaballoo on SPM is finally over, at least the 'core' part of it.
SPM results out this coming Monday. I hope I don't fall sicker (to my stomach).

I find that what this dude said about SPM results rings way too true - "Taking results is even worse than sitting for SPM itself."

Damn, he could be SOOOOOOO right.
I'm a hopeless romantic.

I do not go all fuzzy inside but flinch when I hear/read lines like

"I saw you smiling at me, was it real or just my fantasy?"


"I don't know, but I believe that some things are meant to be and that you'll make a better me"


"There's not a feeling in this world that can describe all of the joy you bring to me"


"And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind and I'll love you...always"


"Words are never enough to tell you how much I love you"


Well, you get the picture.

You see, I'm a strong believer that words are never enough to say what you mean. So if you go like "Wow, that's REAL nice!" to me, I apologise but I won't believe you 100%. Maybe 96% if you really are THAT convincing, but most of the time, as flattered as I may get, I can't trust your comment fully(but I still accept it as honest and sincere to some extent, so keep them coming ok!). I think I might have serious trust issues.
If something as trivial as a nice pen also I got hard time trusting your compliment, what more words of affection and romance man!
Not that I've had any genuine ones to say the least. Eeeeeek.

It could be the hormones or just plain this-is-how-it-is-at-this-stage-in-life thing but I can't seem to miss a day of my life without thinking about the topic of boy-girl relationships. I think I might be treading on fine thread talking about this simply because it's all merely assumptions and sour-grape mindset doing the talking here and not personal experience (oh, NO), and also it's not that I'm contemplating on joining the serious-relationship bandwagon now at all. It's just some light-thinking. (??)

Somehow, whether it's in magazines or seminars/talks or whatever that reaches to the youthful masses, this BGR topic never seems to go out of fashion. I think this is true. It is for me. Probably, for me, it's because there's this sense of wanting to analyse a perfect relationship, the workings on how to make a great one, and also the FAQ's that make it all a subject of great interest that draws me to it a lot of the time.
And frankly speaking, what goes in in the right ear comes out in the left ear (or was it the other way around?), not that I'm at the losing end or anything.
Seriously, what is there to it that needs to be analysed, now that I think about it?
Sure, you go look for the one but he/she's never really perfect. As in, she/he looks great/hot/sexy on the outside but there's bound to be some flaw somewhere. And that's cool, you know. No one deserves anyone more perfect than themselves but equal. And I'm saying this because everyone's perfect/imperfect in their own special and unique way. But sometimes, the two pieces don't always fit right together, and it's ok, because there's this whole bunch of other fishes waiting to be caught at the right moment by the right person. (Me, me! Well, I'm not a fish out of water am I?)

I'm in college now and at the moment I'm learning couples in Physics (couples in Physics is this whole mechanical jargon that involves forces and axes and perpendicular blah) but there are more people out there who understand the other meaning of couples than the Physics one.
Yeah, college got tons of it what!
I'm not a huge fan of PDAs, and unfortunately for me, I can't help but sometimes see one right at the strategic corner in college. You know, the one where EVERYONE needs to pass by to get to their classes? Gee, to think they could practise some decency.


This post might be 'inspired' from the remnants of what's left of this year's (lonely) Valentine's Day. It was just like any ordinary day, except that it's very capitalized here in college. VERY.
Too bad out of the 183247 clubs that took advantage, I got nothing from any of them. I guess what goes around comes around eh? : /
But there are other 364 days to profess your love/friendship/whatever else I can't think of, so no reason to sulk people!

Another surprising thing is, after knowing a person for a few weeks/over a month or so, it's hard to believe that one can get hitched hor? It is to me lor.
I wonder where does it all come from.

I'll stick to my jiwang/cheesy lyrics for now and tell myself that these type of feelings actually are real.

Signing off dudes and dudettes. : )
I have just been confirmed! That means.... I've been through the Holy Sacrament of Confirmation.

What is Confirmation, some of you might ask.
Well, in my own words, to be confirmed is to be, as the root word means, to be true and to be in the state where you are correct, and apart from that, as a confirmand, you are now fully adult in the Church.
When you go, "Yes, confirm!", what you mean when you say it is that you are sure of what you are saying, and you establish the fact that there is no turning back in whatever it is you are doing.
As a Catholic, I know that where I'm going, it's definitely a no-turning back.
And I have no regrets as to what I've chosen to do being a candidate for Confirmation.
Although everyone who enters the faith one way or another gets confirmed, that doesn't make it any less of a meaningful milestone. What it does is make it an opportunity that is free for everyone; all you need to do is to open your heart, believe and readily accept the things that the package comes with.

As for me, I guess this part of my journey ends, and a new one, one filled with unexpected turns, good times and bad, is about to begin.

Well, today was a good day.

It really was.

There wasn't any literal earth-shattering moments, but it was simply in the good time spent as a class today, the last officially as a class, that made it simply sublime.

No more Sunday School.
No more teacher-beat-the-guys-up scenes.
No more class assignments.
Damn, I'm goona miss all that. I'm feeling really sad now as I'm typing this.

Why did "You don't know what you've got until it's gone" ring so hurtfully true everytime? Sigh.

And the people who made today especially different and great than the days before today:-

A special thanks to:-

Christopher L. Forbes (Class Catechist)
William L
William T

for the days of good company, great fun and unforgettable memories.
I love you jokers.

Love, Germae. :,-(
.... going a little crazy with the previous post (I wonder if I'm doing the bimbo thing right)
because that's one of my means of releasing stress since I can't resort to a punching bag made of human flesh (don't mean to sound grotesque, what I meant was to go beat somebody up).

At this point of time, I'm not faring so well. SO, I DO thE mAd giRL PoSE!

But one thing's for sure I really really like Switchfoot, and I honestly think Jon Foreman is hot, cool and ..*knees trembling*... mine.
Well, let's give it a shot!

I dun know how many of you gurls out there who just lurves SWITCHFOOT but I am simply like, one of their biggest fans!!!!!!!
U know....
I love Switchfoot very much. Especially Jon Foreman , 'cos he is hot, hot, hot!!!!!

He may be twice my age but who cares? Age is just a number! I so think he is GreAt!!!!!!!

He hot!*sizzles*

Oh my that charming smile... Which girl doesn't luv a man who plays the guitar? He looks great in a black and white too!! OMG!

Guys who sing while they play the guitar are just WonDerfUl!!!!!!

He's married and all, but I can still be a fan, can't I? I still have SOME chance left in there somewhere...
He's so hot even cili padi doesn't quite come as close to him!

Ooh lala..

I don't know why but everytime I see a magic trick, instead of being fascinated and amazed, I get frustrated because the analytical side of my depleting brain asks for answers to a question that it has just seen, which is the magic trick itself.
And I think many other people feel the same way too.
When I get the chance to see how to reveal the magic as a smart illusion, I get excited.

Anyway, here's a video which is about 1 and a half minutes long. It's my man, Sebby the magician doing a card trick. He's pretty darn good. keep a lookout on the other hand, it could be the answer to the trick.

Long ago, in Japan, there lived an old couple who had a dog called Shiro.

The old man and woman were poor and they lived a simple life. All they wanted was enough money to buy rice for themselves and Shiro. But year by year their savings grew smaller. They worried that soon there would be no money for rice.

One day the old man and woman were working hard in their garden. Shiro ran here and there, sniffing the ground. Suddenly he started digging a hole and barking loudly.

"Be quiet, Shiro," said the old woman.

But shiro kept barking and digging, so the old man went to see what the dog had found. He poked a stick into the hole and felt it strike something hard. He dug further and uncovered a small box. When the old man opened the box he was amazed to see it was full of golden coins - enough to buy rice for the rest of the year!

But their greedy neighbour heard of this good fortune and he was jealous. He followed Shiro, digging holes wherever the dog sniffed, but he found nothing. Finally the neighbour flew into a rage and killed poor Shiro.

The old couple cried when they learned that Shiro was dead, for they loved the old dog dearly.

Then one night, the ghost of Shiro appeared to them.
"You loved and cared for me," said Shiro's ghost, "and now I shall care for you.
Tomorrow, cut down the pine tree in the garden. Mix some splinters from the tree into a pot of rice." Then the ghost vanished.

The next day the old man chopped down the pine tree and the old woman cooked a pot of rice. She stirred in the splinters and peerted into the pot.
"Look," she cried, her eyes filled with wonder. "Each grain of rice is turning into a golden coin! We shall have money for rice for the rest of our lives!"

The old couple smiled sadly as they thought of Shiro. Even though he had died, their faithful old dog had not forgotten them.
For the past few weeks, I've thought about my life, of past achievements, regrets and the future.
Along with that, I also thought that it would do me no harm to list the things I cannot change:
  • Be a guy
  • Grow another 4 inches
  • Be an athlete
  • Have broad shoulders
  • Be a child prodigy

3 out of 5 has to do with genetics and the environment. The other two is somewhat correlated, but I leave that to your personal discretions.

In my point of view, this world is divided into two :- Men and Women (with no in-betweens). They co-exist on a basis of symbiotic relations, which to me, is what makes the world go round (and populated).
I'm not saying I have minimal tolerance for homosexuality or the fact that I do not believe they were just born that way, but I really think that it's a matter of choice that sadly puts gender at an ambiguity. (Ambiguity is not favourable in this respect)
So, I am a girl/woman/female. And as the saying goes that the grass is greener on the other side, I thought maybe being a guy isn't half as bad as I like to say it is (namely, because boys are stupid).
Monthly episodes of you-know-what, ever-changing fashion that girls seem to compete with each other by covering less and less of their skin, sensitive weight issues and a constant fetish of how they look is to me, the banes of being a female.
If I could spend one day in a guys shoes (no, not the idea of tranvestism, but completely MAN), I'd give it a shot and see how things goes.
But it just CANNOT happen.

People tend to tease/mock the short but praise the tall. My father told me that in his days, anyone of his peers who is shorter than average would be teased "Jepun-kia, Jepun-kia"(which means 'Japanese kid' in Hokkien). I don't know if the average Japanese is actually shorter than us Malaysians or whether their past Occupation in Malaya was the cause for this ridicule, but it's pretty degrading to me.
So, I guess it's safe to say being tall is better than being short, in more ways than one (though I'm not completely denying the fact that being short does come with some good as well).
If I could grow to be another 4 inches taller (which would put me the tallest girl in my class, not to mention), I would join the ranks of the smaller population of Malaysian women above the height of 5' 7". I don't know why I want to be taller, would it really make me happier? Maybe I could try out modelling or something then, but I'd have to watch what I eat and all and it's very frustrating.
But it just CANNOT happen.

I always wanted to feel healthy and I think an athlete is a show of healthiness, a tough, well-crafted physique for the purpose of sports. Everytime someone mentions athlete, the first thing that comes to mind is invariably the track athlete, sprinter, high jumper or long jumper. In life, there are some things that are never too late to pick up, but in this case, I'm too old to start a sport and get REALLY good at it. But I think this is one that CAN actually happen, if I give it time and endurance. Which somehow seems like it CANNOT happen either.

Oh, I think in my family, broadness are not in the 'shoulders' alleles. Ahah.
So this CANNOT happen.

I could be prodigy, just not a child one. Heh. But no one gives anyone credit for being smart when you're an adult because the sky's the limit once you're above a certain 'childish' age.
But even at this age, prodigy is far from what I'm ever going to come close to, co scratch that from the doable because it just CANNOT happen.

Even so, I'm satisfied with where I am in life, although I do get the occasional desires of wanting something more, something I cannot get, which makes the bitter bits in life, real. And at times, more real than I can handle.