A list of the undoable

For the past few weeks, I've thought about my life, of past achievements, regrets and the future.
Along with that, I also thought that it would do me no harm to list the things I cannot change:
  • Be a guy
  • Grow another 4 inches
  • Be an athlete
  • Have broad shoulders
  • Be a child prodigy

3 out of 5 has to do with genetics and the environment. The other two is somewhat correlated, but I leave that to your personal discretions.

In my point of view, this world is divided into two :- Men and Women (with no in-betweens). They co-exist on a basis of symbiotic relations, which to me, is what makes the world go round (and populated).
I'm not saying I have minimal tolerance for homosexuality or the fact that I do not believe they were just born that way, but I really think that it's a matter of choice that sadly puts gender at an ambiguity. (Ambiguity is not favourable in this respect)
So, I am a girl/woman/female. And as the saying goes that the grass is greener on the other side, I thought maybe being a guy isn't half as bad as I like to say it is (namely, because boys are stupid).
Monthly episodes of you-know-what, ever-changing fashion that girls seem to compete with each other by covering less and less of their skin, sensitive weight issues and a constant fetish of how they look is to me, the banes of being a female.
If I could spend one day in a guys shoes (no, not the idea of tranvestism, but completely MAN), I'd give it a shot and see how things goes.
But it just CANNOT happen.

People tend to tease/mock the short but praise the tall. My father told me that in his days, anyone of his peers who is shorter than average would be teased "Jepun-kia, Jepun-kia"(which means 'Japanese kid' in Hokkien). I don't know if the average Japanese is actually shorter than us Malaysians or whether their past Occupation in Malaya was the cause for this ridicule, but it's pretty degrading to me.
So, I guess it's safe to say being tall is better than being short, in more ways than one (though I'm not completely denying the fact that being short does come with some good as well).
If I could grow to be another 4 inches taller (which would put me the tallest girl in my class, not to mention), I would join the ranks of the smaller population of Malaysian women above the height of 5' 7". I don't know why I want to be taller, would it really make me happier? Maybe I could try out modelling or something then, but I'd have to watch what I eat and all and it's very frustrating.
But it just CANNOT happen.

I always wanted to feel healthy and I think an athlete is a show of healthiness, a tough, well-crafted physique for the purpose of sports. Everytime someone mentions athlete, the first thing that comes to mind is invariably the track athlete, sprinter, high jumper or long jumper. In life, there are some things that are never too late to pick up, but in this case, I'm too old to start a sport and get REALLY good at it. But I think this is one that CAN actually happen, if I give it time and endurance. Which somehow seems like it CANNOT happen either.

Oh, I think in my family, broadness are not in the 'shoulders' alleles. Ahah.
So this CANNOT happen.

I could be prodigy, just not a child one. Heh. But no one gives anyone credit for being smart when you're an adult because the sky's the limit once you're above a certain 'childish' age.
But even at this age, prodigy is far from what I'm ever going to come close to, co scratch that from the doable because it just CANNOT happen.

Even so, I'm satisfied with where I am in life, although I do get the occasional desires of wanting something more, something I cannot get, which makes the bitter bits in life, real. And at times, more real than I can handle.

2 said...:

sara said...

I'm short too dear. Like 2 inches shorter than you!
Thats what heels were made for.
And I've yet to find fault with them. Apart from standing too long or walking too long in them. Then I might have something to rant about.

ade said...

as if i'm no short lah now?!? and i agree with sara,tat is wat heels are for!! BINGO!! it can make u look slimmer and ur ass looks smaller also u know!!! TRUST ME!!! y u nvr complain bout body assets one??!!?? then i got lots to complain!! =)