I sat at the back in the bland litle classroom for an English lesson; I have little else to do but listen to the perpetually animated and bouncy woman named Ms. Chan. (Mind-wandering has its intermissions too, unfortunately).

My apologies, but I think there's always something missing in class. Something missing which gives it the life and drive. I hate classes in KBU not only because lessons are boring, the people are equally far and distant. Don't ask me why, I think I have a problem myself too. I don't blame it on others entirely, ok. It's a cause and effect thing. They are far, hence I'm far.
I can quite frankly tell you, I've had lots more fun back in Form 5 than in college. More thrill back in Taylor's than here in KBU. I'd like to erase that bit in my memory which said college is the best time of your life. (Bullshit to that)

I so always look forward to going home come Friday. I would even be happier if I had no classes on Friday and can return on Thursday. Longer weekends, yippee!

I guess it takes something worse to happen to appreciate a situation you thought was bad. (I initially wanted to get away from Taylor's in the first 2 months of being there, but LOOKIE HERE, I got more than what I bargained for!). For crying out loud, it's been 8 months in KBU, I'm still not feeling the heat. Darn it.

But there are some shares of okay moments here.
For the most part, my heart is far from this place, I will not be enjoying it 100% here for sure,
mostly because I don't feel like I belong.

This blog is so turning into such a grump space.

So anyways, whenever you see me, please, drop a smile. Smiles make me smile :)

*******


I suddenly have developed a liking for this phrase. For years I never really gave much thought to what it meant. Until recently:
Something that you say which means that your true home is with the person or in the place that you love most.

It's interesting the impact it has (on me) with such simple words stringed together, such as this. To me at least, I go all soft inside when I hear the words true, home, love, most (provided the combination of words has little sappiness yet touches deep emotions). I think it's mostly in the most that gives it that finality, that earnestness.

Today's post evokes a sense of poignancy, to some extent, as I yearn the past, dread the looming future, and wonder about the things I can want when I'm older.
I wonder where my home will be, where my heart will stay, and when I'll love the most.

I hope you find a place you can call home.
Imagine: You enter a room shaped literally enough like a shoebox, of bigger proportions, with four white walls, pendaflour lamps and a whiteboard at the front.
You seat yourself at the back of the room because you're drawn towards the anterior, and also because nowhere else is vacant.
You sit down, and for the rest of the time you are in that room, nothing is any different than from the first moment you step in; not the atmosphere, the sounds, or the stimuli.

That's class for me in a day. It's so .... bland.


Anyway, with all the blandness, one's mind wanders further away. Much too far it seems, but i couldn't care less.

Today's train of mind-wandering thoughts were steered towards the "philosophical".

Imagine two men. Both equally loved in this world, both had equally bright futures, both with plenty going on in their lives.

But all of a sudden, it was cut short.

However, the causes differ.

Man A, died in a hit-and-run, right on the spot, no chance of survival with that impact.

Man B, however, accidentally fell into a freezing machine that will render all his cells motionless, though his life technically still is present.
He'll just remain frozen for the next 1000 years.

So, by all means, they're both as good as gone from this world. No way of contacting or communicating with them, right?

But are the circumstances surrounding Man B different? Is there still a light of hope, that gives people a reason to stay optimistic?
Is waking up 1000 years later just waking up to another day, albeit very absurd surroundings?

Or is it no different as being dead?

All the people he once knew are gone. All the people that knew him would have felt that he was gone from their lives too. However, he just doesn't have an obituary, a funeral, a casket, a gravestone.

Is that what being dead requires? To have an obituary, a funeral, a casket, a gravestone? OR
Is it to experience a complete, total, absolute loss from the one you know?



Hypothetically speaking of course, since I don't think there are any such freezing machines just yet were precaution is so bare, any Tom Dick Harry could fall right in.


Okay, you must think I'm crazy.

Au revoir!
The ants are back. This time, with a vengeance. They are so quick to act, I tell you.

Enough with the ants, they're part of this world as well, it wouldn't be fair to let them starve is it?
(they really are relentless)

...
To Kerry and Audrey, all the best to you girls as the both of you start a new chapter across the Indian Ocean, to the land Down Under.

*Picture of the both of them goes here, though this computer has barely ANY pictures at all to upload, so let's imagine their pretty little faces here shall we*

Enjoy each other's company, absorb the sun, get a hot guy just to see what happens (heh), and most of all.. Come back! =)

XOXO, Germae.
I just realised that ants, like all fables go, are in fact relentlessly hardworking creatures.

If you have ever come across the children's tale of the hardworking ant and the lazy one, I guess it does have some scientific logic as to why they chose ants instead of, well, turtles, to tell the story.

Like all live beings(unicell organisms not excluded) go, "mereka semua kena cari makan dalam hidup ni!" Ants are indeed literally living that statement out, just like most lower order creatures (relative to humans, duh)

I'm talking about these fascinating creatures as I slowly observe their patterns of behaviour, from running about when a human finger approaches them to their uncanny ability to just appear out of nowhere in hunt for food, in the comforts of my hostel room.

Living away from home, I guess I'm less hygenic, less particular, less disciplined, less everything la basically. And with that said, it's to nobody's surprise to find ants crawling up my jug kettle when they were virtually non-existent (within the confines of my four walls) 8 months before.

As innocuous as they are, they are immensely irritating to one's line of sight. I'm sorry dear ants, you just are. I would prefer all of you to be living it up in your own little side of the world, in your homely little nest in somewhere God-only-knows-where.

But apart from the peskiness, I think ants are interesting.

High or low, hot or cold, far or near, nothing seems to stop these little creatures from "cari makan."

Just the other day, as I was cleaning up my desk, I noticed a nice smooth line of ants trailing each other. I was dumbfounded. I thought I kept my room prettty clean, at least clean enough to avoid ants. Only to slap myself really hard in the head later, I discovered it was my fault for not cleaning out the jug kettle properly. (Guys and girls, always clean up your kitchen utensils properly!)

Initially, I thought they were just rogue ants, simply giving me a painful visit of annoyance. I scratched and scratched my head.

I was wrong. They were just living out dutifully, to make their "ants" meet. (A pun, don't get it ah?)

I shall not look down upon ants for the next 6 months at least. Now I know what to avoid if I want to keep them out.

NO FOOD BITS ALLOWED IN VICINITY OF ROOM. MAKE SURE PLATES/FORKS/JUG KETTLES/ETC. ARE THOROUGHLY CLEAN.THOU SHALT KEEP THY ANTS OUT WITHOUT A SWEAT.



Another example to take from them:- Let's all be hardworking in our lives. Life's too short to waste it, even if u might lament that you're not of age, blah blah. Nope, it's too short. I'm turning 18 in about 2 months. I feel old. Much too old.
SWITCHFOOT WAS AWESOME(X INFINITY)!

SO BLOODY GOOD. IN ALL HONESTY, I WAS SO HYPED UP LIKE NEVER BEFORE. THEY'RE INCREDIBLE PERFORMERS, MUSICIANS, MEN, ETC.

THEY REALLY ATTRACTED A CROWD, BUT JUST HOW MANY WERE DIE-HARD FANS, I DON'T KNOW.

JON WAS SUPER-AMAZING. HE'S GOT THE MOST REMARKABLE BLUE EYES I'VE EVER SEEN, AND HIS LIVE SINGING IS JUST... MIND-BLOWING.

(GOD, I WANNA THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS HAPPEN. THANKS SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!)

CHAD, JEROME, TIM AND DREW. GREAT BAND ALTOGETHER.

SECONDLY, I WANNA THANK SARA KANG FOR THE CAMERA+PICTURES AND THE SURRENDER SHE MADE TO THE CROWD. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH BAYBEH!

PHOTOS I WOULD NOT HAVE DREAMED OF TAKING IF THEY NEVER CAME.....
JON FOREMAN ON STAGE. OMG OMG OMG! I WAS HOPING HE'D THROW THAT HAT TO THE CROWD.


JON'S GUITAR IS SO COOL. IT'S GOT THE "OH!GRAVITY" COVER ON IT!


THIS POINT IN TIME, I WAS SO ENTHRALLED BY JON'S BLUE EYES. I WANTED TO BE THE ONE HOLDING HIS HAND. DAMN! (I WAS THIS CLOSE)


THE COAT WAS OFF, AND NOW JON'S IN THE TIGHT WHITE-T THAT ALL ROCKERS DON. MAN, THAT'S HOT.


OK. JON CAN REALLY REALLY SING LIVE.


JEROME FONTAMILLAS AND DREW SHIRLEY. JEROME IS SO COOL, HE CAN MULTITASK; SYNTH, TAMBOURINE AND GUITAR. WOW.


TIM FOREMAN. BASSIST, AND BROTHER OF JON. COOL COOL WARDROBE.


TIME FOR AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR. JON IS JUST, AWESOME.


JEROME, DREW AND JON. GREAT GREAT GREAT!


JON LOVE KL. I LOVE JON.


BYE BYE BOYS! *SNIFFS* HOPE TO *SNIFFS* SEE YOU AGAIN!!!! *SNIFFS*

EVIDENTLY, I WAS STARSTRUCK AND JON-STRUCK.