I want to make this promise to myself.

That I will leave uni safe and sound; in one piece, all well and good.

Because I can't stand technology, and it's a great irony that I should be doing this yet hating the very fiber that makes this world 'advanced'.
I don't see a problem with that.

Not unless it means my life depended on it, if I'd fall dead on the floor or something.

But in my circumstances, nothing is quite that dire; death is not really always knocking on my door.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live back in the 90s. Or that the 90s never really left us; that we would always keep to those ways. I don't know if it's getting old that's getting to me or that the world is really heading for a collapse (refer to this very interesting but somewhat 'scary' read - http://www.neweconomics.org/publications/growth-isnt-possible); I wish I knew, so that I can properly remedy it instead of guessing forever.

I'm getting a feeling of a 'mid-life crisis'. The thing is, I'm not exactly at mid-life yet (unless mr. death is coming to claim me at the age of 44 or something, I hope not) and neither am I even working yet, or with my own husband and kids and that sorta stuff. But I'm not ready to face things, to worry about the future, to not know for certain what I'm going to do with my future. I don't have an anchor; I'm like a floating ship out in the ocean, without a captain to steer it on.

As far as I can see, I'm pretty traditional with my gadgets; I'm using my old vista OS, I WAS using my un-astonishing blackberry (much to my dismay) and I'm not always wired to the internet. As far as technology is concerned, I'm very much the early 00's person. I do admit that I cannot do very well without my laptop, the refrigerator, microwave oven, electric kettle and a washing machine. Some of life's indispensable equipment if you have the money to buy them and when you do have them, makes life a little bit more comfortable. And thus, having a lot more time in your hands.

I think of myself as just a dot on the map of the world, or just the tip of the tip of tip the iceberg (note the recursion); I'm a small fry and would not make much of a difference in this world. In a sense, my feeling of unimportance is what makes me feel insignificant in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't help that I'm a bit old-fashioned in my way of doing things. I don't see a problem with the old way of doing things. I know ambition goes a long way, but instead of ambitious technology goals, like making seamless networks and all those kinda things, what about just being who we are, plain and simple? Lofty goals are not worthy goals. Its ridden with self-pride and selfish intent. I can't help but feel that is extremely arrogant.

I don't know wth I'm saying; I just want to get out of here for a while and return to the world I once looked at as a place full of opportunities.

I'll only enjoy doing something if it's not something I have to do. Damn, I'm never gonna enjoy a lot of things.
When I started this blog, I envisioned it to be a place to write stylistically or at the very least, not colloquially.

However, since I don't always keep to my intentions, it didn't quite turn out that way.
But nonetheless, I hope that in the 7 or so years since I've kept it, I haven't had my English deteriorate in the slightest bit. (The only thing that depleted was the time and the enthusiasm to keep writing)

So for today, I want to write about a person I read about on Wikipedia that faced a tragedy so devastating, I wouldn't know how to live anymore if I were him.

That person is Franklin Pierce, the 14th President of the United States. His term in office was just under 5 years, from March 4, 1833to March 4, 1837. He had great political ambitions, much to his wife's displeasure. She was unhappy with her husband's political inclinations, taking no pleasure in life at Washington.

Mr and Mrs Pierce had three children together, however their first two children, died very early in childhood. This must have caused great anguish to the Pierces. No parent would want to see their child laid to rest before them, what more two of them. This was already tragic just reading about it.

So, the greatest tragedy that befell the Pierces happened during a holiday. Mr and Mrs Pierce, with their third and only son, eleven years old at the time, were on a train ride back from a vacation. Not long after the train took off from the station, it jumped the track and went over a fifteen-foot embankment. While Franklin Pierce and his wife suffered minor injuries, their son Benjamin was decapitated as a result of the accident, crushed beneath the the rail road car.

Needless to say, Mrs Pierce never recovered from her melancholia due to the tragic incident that befell her last surviving son, Benny. She believed it to be God's punishment on her family as a result of her husband taking office in Washington. It was said that she wrote letters to her sons during those days, leading up to her death.

I don't know what I'll do if I were in her shoes. I was so sad just reading about it.
Franklin Pierce was not a celebrated US president; I read his name from the book "Lone Wolf", and wondered if he was a real person or just some fictitious famous person in the book.
Turns out, it was a real man.

I don't know why I gave this post the title "Determination"; I suppose it's because Pierce was determined to be president, despite the tragedies that happened along the way. I wouldn't know if I would have the same determination if I were in his position, but I'm inclined to say no.

What I would like to have determination in is with the things I do. The things that drive me. Unfortunately, I haven't quite figured out what is it that I'm passionate about. All I know to do at the moment is finish my degree :P